They taught me to hide, that it is not safe to be seen, not safe to be heard, and I was a great student. I studied hard, I believed everything they said. I believed everything they showed me. I believed it all. That there is nothing safe, that no one can be trusted, not even - and maybe especially- yourself. I learned to hide, I learned to be silent, I learned to be invisible. I learned to watch over my shoulder, always expecting something to be chasing me, trying to hurt me. I learned that abandonment was normal, that everyone would leave, that promises are never kept, that that to have expectations only leads to disappointment.

They taught me well. And I soaked up the gospel, word by word, example by example. I learned that the world is violent and manipulative and competitive and scary. I learned that love doesn't last and is always conditional.

Be perfect, be good, be quiet, be likable. I learned that nothing is sacred. Nothing. I learned to give away my power, that my freedom wasn't mine, that there is no such thing as freedom. That there is nothing worth fighting for, except winning, being right, being the best. And since I couldn't be any of those things, I learned to give up, to doubt myself to carry zero value for my own being-ness, my existence, my right to be on the planet.

What the fuck was I even doing here?

I learned to be afraid- I didn't belong here and someone, everyone, knew it, and if they didn't yet, they soon would. I learned to hide. I hid so well I couldn't even find myself. I hid under the blanket of their fears, of their beliefs, of their examples. I hid behind the walls of anger and hatred, the fences built around the terrorizing war zones. I learned I was nothing. Less than nothing. Than no one wanted me, that one one ever would. I was too flawed. Too damaged, too imperfect.

I finally had enough, and as I learned to unbecome myself, I learned to accept myself and to teach myself a new set of beliefs. I learned to be unconditional with myself, to grant myself permission to be my authentic self. I learned to value the things that make me who I am, rather than hiding them away. I learned to identify my karmic patterns, and work on clearing them. I learned how to find true joy in my life, how to attract to me the things I want to experience, and how to reclaim my personal power, so I could live a soul-aligned life.

I would love to share with you all that I discovered, and the ways in which I learned, and am continually learning, to become more of my true self, the essence of my soul, expressed in human form.